Favorite Drug
by Eris Everto
Summary: Medicine, made to keep humans alive, but when it becomes an addiction it only causes pain. there is a piece of hate inside of us we all need, some more then others, it makes us human, but when it becomes an addiction it starts to slowly kill SasuNaru


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto... yet...

**Arrogance is Bliss**

_"Like snow in summer or rain in harvest, _

_Honor is not fitting for a fool…"_

_-Proverbs 26: _

_Blood…_

His hands were numb, breathing slow and silent almost as if it wasn't there at all. The snow fell in wisps of clean whiteness, only to land in the small pools or red liquid that littered the ground like pinpoints. His eyes were closed, keeping his mind away. Away from everything he knew, or didn't want to know. It was like finally achieving peace, the peace he'd lost so long ago when everything was innocent. How nice it would be just to go back to then, so long ago, just a figment of the past...

_More blood..._

How he wanted to... if only he wasn't so frozen maybe he could pull the knife through his hand one more time. It felt so good, remembering he was actually alive and not just dreaming up his very existence. Violence seemed to be the only way to communicate with his senses. Maybe it was because the past was catching up to him, all his life he'd tried to push the cold reality away by working hard. Doing other things to keep his mind away, making himself warm with determination. What stung more then the blade, he'd pressed to his skin, was the fact that they were right all along. What did revenge do to him...? It destroyed him, killing his purpose and now, finally, he was able to fully understand everything.

The wind was icy cold and the snow deep, deeper then he'd ever seen it before. He almost didn't feel that cold, the numbness was more from the inside out then seeping into him. His numb hand clenched weakly on the blade inside of it but to no avail, he wasn't strong enough.

He didn't have a coat.

It was a stupid thought really, it wasn't like he cared at all, but any type of thought was welcomed into his pulsing head. His cheeks glowed with fever, contrasting greatly against his utterly pale and dry skin. He shuddered as the wind blew around him with freezing intensity. It hurt so bad to be alone, alone with his thoughts perhaps if he lay here long enough and not get up his mind would freeze too. That was the question he struggled with every morning, should he even bother getting up? It's not like anyone would notice his absence, no one would miss him. Perhaps it would just be better to lie down and die, all by himself in the cold where he belonged.

He clenched his fist again, almost no movement. His stomach mumbled and twisted inside of him like a hollow shell. He'd forgot to feed himself; it was two days in a row now. What had he been doing? The boy honestly couldn't remember it was just another blank page in his ravished memory. A memory he didn't want, it would be so sweet just to forget, forget he was alive just like everything else in life.

I'd been a while now since he had no contact with other people, about a few months, he knew he was dying. Maybe from lack of sleep or food, perhaps it was how he hated himself for there was simply no one else to hate that he remembered now. Or maybe it was because his heart seemed to find no purpose in beating its old familiar rhythm anymore.

Sasuke Uchiha didn't like to think of himself as suicidal... maybe just disturbed was where we would like to leave it. The boy rolled over, his frozen muscles screamed in pain at him to stay still. What they didn't know is how much he wanted to.

He never cried, even after living though all that, no tears would fall though everyday his mind would torment him with things he couldn't do, or couldn't live up to. It would happen over and over until he cracked. Cracking was bad, he'd told himself a thousand times, don't push yourself that far; but it would always happen. He still had ugly scars from the last time he'd gone insane and hurt himself, trying so hard to beat his own body up. He'd just stared at the same spot after wildly thrashing around like a demon-possessed creature. He stared for at least a day until he was so thirsty his body was forced to drink.

A miniature tremor ran from his legs to his head until his whole body shook in the snow. Sasuke's blue lips quivered as his teeth began to chatter inside his mouth. He could feel the wet snow through his thin top as it pressed against the raw skin. He wasn't wearing any shoes either, he'd thrown them to the side and they lay crumpled a ways away. His bare feet were smothered in a snow bank completely frozen and without circulation. It was like they were de-

_Not that word... _He wouldn't allow himself to think it, or else it would lead to thinking of what it represented. _My family... my friendships... me... _A chilling wind blew through the mountain range and hissed overhead. It tore though his frail body like he was paper. Sasuke's think clothes snapped around him leaving number skin exposed to the frigid air. _When did I get so cold...? _His body shivered violently in the howling wind. He opened his eyes and slowly pushed himself up; his arms began to shake fiercely, not wanting to let their numbness support his body. Once he was sitting upright Sasuke then attempted to stand.

He fell a few times but succeeded in a weak limp, his legs were like rubber, and his feet felt like they weren't there at all. He grasped the rock wall behind him and shuffled toward his shoes. He shook as he slowly and carefully put them on and hobbled with numbness down the jagged mountain path.

_Why the hell am I doing this? _Because he'd made up his mind, to let himself become so dead, so heartless, and so... cold, that he'd be able to achieve what he wanted. The only thing he wanted, and it was so close. Sasuke didn't believe there was a capacity in himself to even feel the effects of the mission he was about to embark on. It was a mission he'd given himself and he was determined not to let the only person who cared about his existence down. _Me. _

He walked ever so slowly, shaking and swaying like a twig in the harsh gusts. In fact his body even looked like a twig, if anyone saw him now they wouldn't recognize him at first glance. He was covered with blue and black bruises along with red or brown cuts, he was terribly skinny and his ribs protruded from his belly at a sickening length. His hair was tangled and matted with wet snow and the bags under his eyes were growing steadily with every sleepless night. However, the most dramatic change was the eyes themselves. Before there had been a spark of determination in them, maybe even a glitter of evil inside those deep eyes. Now it looked like they were glazed over with a deep mist and had changed to dull gray. It was as it he wasn't really inside his body, like his soul had left him walking on the earth all alone.

At least that's how he _felt... _

Sasuke looked up wearily, he could see the village gate peeking over the trees. He'd considered it a miracle that no one had tried to attack him so far, after all, the citizens of this place hated him more then all the other ones. If they caught him now no mercy would be shown. He stumbled forward in his shoes. His feet were starting to burn now that blood was finding its way into the frozen limbs. That was another miracle; that his blood was still flowing. Perhaps his skin wasn't as warm and soft as it used to be... especially now, but the job was still getting done.

He approached the village gate and stood in the freezing wind for a while, letting it blow his stringy hair across his pale face. The boys purple lips pursed with memories that he'd left behind so long ago. It had meant so much to him before to be welcomed inside with people who cared about him. He just hadn't noticed how much he missed it until after he left. It was funny that in the end he'd destroyed what he loved most... not someone else this time.

His forehead ached with fever, and the last of the sun disappeared behind the craggy mountain range. What he'd give for a fire right now... and maybe something to eat too... perhaps even someone to hold him, make him feel alive again-_stop... _The one command he'd grown so used to rung inside his hollow mind. Sasuke shook himself. _You are NOT cold... _

He lifelessly soured over the gate in a single bound and neatly landed on the other side. He could smell the food cooking over someone's fire; it smelt so good his mouth began to water. Sasuke hadn't eaten since early this morning... if you wanted to call an apple breakfast. He caught the faint sound of people laughing from a nearby house. The boy began to walk slowly, there was little snow here but the air was still cold and he was still wet.

Wind whipped around him and then the laughter reminded him, suddenly he realized what was happening, as if it had been spelled out in his mangled and decaying mind.

_Oh my god... I'm finally going to kill him..._

* * *

Naruto Uzumaki slammed the bowl down on the table with a huge bang. It was the eighth time he'd done that since the party began a couple of long hours ago. He wiped a sleeve across his mouth and grinned at Sakura's horrified expression.

"Gimme another bowl full!" He hollered victoriously. Naruto swore his stomach was going to burst with Raman by the time he was done, his belly moaned in agony just as he let out a large belch.

"Naruto that is just disgusting!" Sakura complained as she began to re-fill his bowl with a mischievous glint in her eye. Grinning, she handed it to him, her pink hair flipped over half of her flushed face.

"Well, I did promise you I could eat ten bowls," he was an idiot; he made sure to tell himself that. However she'd already known he could eat five servings so with his big mouth he'd raised it to ten, "but I didn't say it would be pretty!" She laughed.

"You got that right." The celebration was really for no meaning, it was just something everyone decided to do for fun one evening. The sun had already gone down in the sky and fireworks were planned in a half hour or so. He'd have to stuff down the next to servings fast. Naruto raised his chopsticks and jammed them into the noodles.

"Here we go..." Others were there as well. It was as if most of the ninja from the Hidden Leaf Village had turned up to have a good time. Music was blasting and balloons lay scattered everywhere, and someone had even managed to smuggle in alcohol. However, Sakura forbid him to drink any, naturally.

"Is he really gonna eat ten?!" Kiba's eyes were glazed over and his cheeks red but look of surprise was easy to distinguish on his face. Naruto let Sakura answer for him since his mouth was currently bloated.

"Well it's not my fault if it comes up again..." She rolled her eyes at his stupidity. Kiba let out a large laugh and thumped Naruto on the back with a large grin, almost causing the blonde to have a choking spaze.

"Good for you Naruto!" He then rushed off to join some friends somewhere. The blonde swallowed the last bite of his ninth bowl.

"Oh my god, I'm gonna explode..." he clutched his belly fiercely with a pained expression, and rocked himself back and forth.

"I'm not cleaning you up. "Sakura stood and looked at the clock hanging on a wall across the over decorated room. She smiled. "Fire works are gonna start soon! You wanna go find a place to sit on the hill outside?" She turned to her blonde friend. Sakura was torn between laughing out loud or screaming at him, for he was stuffing his face with his tenth bowl. His stomach bulged and his eyes watered. Since she couldn't make up her mind so she just shook her head. "You friggen idiot!"

He swallowed the last bit and let out another burp sending a few boys nearby into fits of laughter. Basically everyone was high off something.

"Quick let's go before all the good spots are taken!" She grabbed his hand forcefully and tugged him from his seat. Naruto let out a groan.

"Don't make me move! I'll die!" He complained loudly as she tugged him along toward a huge pile of coats. She whipped out his black jacket and her white one from the stack, pulling hers over her shoulders in an instant. Naruto sank to the ground in agony.

"Oh come _on_!" She flung his coat at his head with a thump and he slowly put it on, emphasizing every painful movement for effects. She expressed her sympathy by pulling him up forcefully and dragging him out the door.

Outside the night air was cool and crisp, much colder then it had ever been before in the village. His breath surrounded him with a white cloud. Naruto hugged himself and slowly trudged after Sakura who was far ahead of him by now, eager for a good spot to sit. Very soon he found himself behind everyone else, his stomach was killing him and he mentally slapped himself for being so stupid. The darkness closed in around him like a blanket, a freezing one that is, and Naruto sunk into the frail snow while holding himself, silently swearing about how much it hurt.

His eyes grew large. The blonde turned his head to look behind him but found the wind was his only company on the abandoned street. However he swore he'd heard something so he didn't just shrug it off, the pains in his stomach were completely forgotten and replaced by this new feeling of excitement. He took a few steps down the empty street cautiously, making a mental note of how much more creepy it was at night, especially when one was alone. His eyes flashed, catching movement at the end of the street, where the gate surrounding the village was. _Could it be an attack? _His thoughts immediately led him to think that it was an invasion, but he tried to keep himself calm by soothing his childish fear. _It's just a stupid animal or something... I'm being an idiot again... _he kept walking anyway with the same soft steps to where he saw the movement.

Naruto stopped when he reached the end of the ally. The wind blew harshly around him and tossed his golden hair in wild patterns. The boy wrapped his arms around himself tightly, he was stunned with cold and so badly wanted to go find Sakura on the hill. After a few more moments he convinced himself it was nothing. Naruto turned around to head back and the air suddenly caught in his lungs.

The black shirt of the boy standing before him fluttered like paper in the strong gusts, revealing a bare and starved chest with bones easily seen from under his thin skin. His arms were like sticks and hung limply at his sides, as if they would snap off any second. His posture was slouched, with his legs turned inward like they were crumbling and couldn't support the full weight. What was the eeriest and weirdest part was how he was dressed for winter, just a simple thin top and dark pants that only covered up to his knees, and lose footwear. In all, the boy was like a walking corpus, and that the slightest touch could break him in two.

Naruto's eyes narrowed but a small smile played on his face.

"Starving ourselves are we? Well let me tell you something, you don't look pretty in the least..." The blonde jeered mockingly. What was he doing here anyway?

Sasuke Uchiha looked up with a blank expression, his Sharingan eyes like red stones and blue lips like ice. The bags under his eyes created an odd purple light that played on his white face, making the shadows pull even longer down his cheeks.

"Naruto Uzumaki..." the blonde stiffened, Sasuke rarely addressed anyone like this, "I have to kill you now."

* * *

Sakura was growing impatient sitting alone on the grass. Where the crap was Naruto anyway? _Probably barfing somewhere... _She rolled her eyes again then decided not to do that to often or her eyeballs might roll back in their sockets. She blew on her hand. God it was so cold! She'd never remembered a time it'd been this freezing in their village before.

A few minutes went by and she began to debate whether she should sit and watch, or go find Naruto, or maybe just head back inside because her fingers were friggen falling off. Sakura's pink hair fluttered around her softly, wafting in the harsh winds. _Wow, it would really suck to have no home to stay warm in tonight... _She instantly regretted thinking that thought; it only led her to remember one person. Someone she wanted out of her memory. The cheeriness of the celebration and laughter faded into background noise as her expression dropped rapidly and she sat there clinging to herself.

It was depressing; ever so often he would come to her mind. That stupid avenger whom she'd loved so much... and maybe still did but she'd never ever admit. _I'm sure Sasuke doesn't have a home tonight... _Sakura looked out at the frozen trees and into the far away darkness that seemed to stretch for miles. She felt an icy stream of water lightly roll down her cheek even though she'd promised never to cry over that boy ever again. _He's out there... somewhere... _She shook her head and her mind came back to the task at hand. Naruto still hadn't arrived yet and she was getting panicky. Even if he was an idiot he still liked fireworks, and sitting with _her _wouldn't be such an ordeal for him.

She slowly stood and began to walk down the small hill. _Narutos got to be around here somewhere... he couldn't have gone to far... _

* * *

"Ha! You wish basted! How can you even think of_ trying_ to fight me like-" He studied his opponent looking for the right word, "this!" that was all he could come up with. In fact he had to admit it was rather sick to see Sasuke this way. Looking like a stick, a stick with hundreds of cuts and bruises, most that looked self-inflicted. His bones stuck out, some in the wrong way, like they were bent out of place. Plus he was so damned _cold! _It was almost sad the way he'd shiver and shake every few seconds during their 're-introduction'.

Sasuke didn't reply with any smart comment, instead he reached into his clothing and slowly pulled out a kunai knife, which was still stained with blood from the last time he'd used it... on himself. It twinkled in the moonlight with a rusty gleam. The Uchiha grasped it tightly in his fist and took a deep breath of cold air.

"Why do you have all this...?" His voice was raspy and dull, like he'd been screaming for five hours straight then decided to talk normally without any water. "Everything I could never have..."

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Naruto barked, his voice echoing off the walls of the ally. His speech was almost completely opposite of the Uchiha's. Sasuke stood still for a moment letting the question hang in the freezing air like a dark cloud over his head.

"Happiness..." The corners of the Uchiha's mouth twitched upward into one of his tiny and rare smiles. But it looked sad and far away instead of joyful.

Naruto gawked at him, _is that all he came for? _The raven-haired boy let his mouth drop and his icy lips regain their solemn position once more. Sympathy washed over the blonde boy, it was like now he wished he didn't feel so bad for other people, it was one of those times when he wanted to be more like the dying kid in front of him. Just to be cold and mean so he wouldn't have to give in, even to his enemies. But he couldn't help it.

"Sasuke..." Naruto's voice ran thick with compassion but that was as far as he got in his sentence.

"Goodbye Naruto..." and in one second with amazing speed Sasuke was beside him and had plunged the knife deep, to deep into the blondes chest.

-End of Chapter one:)


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